A Decade of Decisions: Let there be light: finding love in the darkest of times

This week's beautiful blog post is from guest blogger Carlie Palmer. Carlie writes:

There is so much darkness in this world. So much. There are millions of hungry, suffering children. There are murders and kidnappings. There are beggars dotting the streets in cities around the world. There is abuse and violence. This is not an easy world to live in.

Over the last three months I have witnessed much of this darkness. I work in an orphanage that is home to over eighty children, though it was built for fifty. These eighty children have been abandoned or taken from their families because of neglect or abuse. In the afternoon we go to the hospital and care for more abandoned children. I have spent hours in the ICU with sick, wheezing infants who have oxygen masks strapped to their faces. I have held children who seemed close to death, their bodies tiny and weak. I have seen children and adults alike who are missing limbs and begging in the streets for food. Yes, there is plenty of darkness in this world. Enough to even get lost in.

Then how is it that I am happier now than I have been in a very long time? How is it possible that my heart feels so full of love and praise? I know of no other explanation than this: Because of the Savior, the world is also full of light.

I have honestly been completely puzzled by my happiness here in Romania. That sounds odd, I realize, but it is true. I expected to feel completely weighed down by the hardship that would surround me each day. I thought that my heart would be completely broken by what I would see and experience. I was wrong. Well, at least partially.

Many days I do feel the weight of the suffering that encircles me. My heart does ache for these people. I have felt deep anguish as I have come to love people who have so little and have watched as they suffer. Every time I go into the ICU at the hospital I am overwhelmed with a profound sorrow for the children there. I do experience the darkness. While I know that this is just a taste of the darkness that the children must have experienced, to me it is real and intense.

But there is something more powerful. In Genesis we read of the creation of the world.

Genesis 1:1-3

“In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.”

“And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.”

“And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.”

I feel this same process happening inside of me every day. I step out of my communist bloc apartment building and enter the dark world. I go to the orphanage. I see hard things. I sit next to my sweet, paralyzed girl Adi and dream about the life she will never have. My heart fills with sorrow. And then, somehow, Christ enters my heart and says, “Let there be light.” And there is.

This happened to me at the hospital the other day. Again, I was in the ICU (which looks nothing like the ICUs that we are used to I might add). There is a tiny baby there with severe hydrocephalus. Because of his condition his head is large and misshapen. His giant head must weigh more than the rest of his body combined and then some. This sweet little boy does not move much and when he makes noise it is a quiet sort of whimper, as if he is too sick to even cry. A few days ago I went to check on him. I checked his diaper and it was dry. I could not pick him up because of the severity of his condition. I felt helpless. The few diapers that I left in his crib seemed a completely insignificant offering. I didn’t know what else to do so I laid my hand gently on his tummy and began to hum. I don’t know if he was even aware that I was there. I had a moment of complete despair. I knew this child was close to death but that, with the proper medical care, could probably be fine. I knew that he had been abandoned there and was now suffering without a mother or father by his side. I felt darkness weighing on my heart. But even there, God reached me. He said, “Let there be light,” and again, there was.

God whispered to my heart that He loved that little boy and that while his earthly family was not by his side, He was. I felt so much peace in knowing that someone cared, that someone understood the pain of this small child. I felt strongly that this boy would be taken care of. Someday, when he is with God, he will run and jump and play with the other children. Even is his life, the light will chase away the darkness.

So yes, our world is full of darkness. There will be times in our lives when that darkness seems to completely overwhelm us. But somehow, if we turn to Him, God will again say, “Let there be light.” And there will be.

There is a Chinese proverb that says, “Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.”

Every time we do a good deed, help someone in need, smile, love someone, share what we have, etc. we are adding to the light in the world. Focusing on the darkness will not make it go away. Lighting a candle will.

In John 14:18 Christ promises, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.”

I testify that this promise is real. I have experienced His comfort and care. He has filled my darkest moments with light.

Over and over again.